WELCOME TO BALLARD APARTMENTS
⇨ Luxury Living - To Die For! ⇦
Our extra-ordinary apartment complex is a full-service microcosm and so offers all the comforting amenities and thrilling excitements of the modern world - all in one lavish locale. Imagine never having to step foot outside again! Whether your interests include swimming, shopping, the education of youngsters, simply lounging about without a care... or even more outre amusements such as rape, murder, incest, cannibalism, and the creating of small bands of like-minded individuals to hunt and gather... it is all waiting for you here at Ballard Apartments. Your every secret desire shall come true!
Management at Ballard Apartments fully understands the importance of class, and class consciousness. To better serve our varied tenants and to truly impart that feeling of living in the world while living at home, we maintain a carefully considered system of economic segregation. Our wealthier tenants are welcome within our spacious penthouse apartments - where they may indulge in all the varied delights typically enjoyed by society's creme de la creme. Our middle-class tenants will find themselves completely at home within our perfectly unremarkable mid-level apartments - ideally situated to allow residents to gaze longingly at their social betters above and scornfully upon their social inferiors below. Our more, shall we say, "blue collar" tenants have free range of the lower floors - where the faulty plumbing, cramped living situations, and generally inadequate facilities will no doubt ring a comfortingly familiar bell to many. A bell that tolls for bloody revolution!
Our amenities include:
* High-speed elevators and lavish swimming pools to commandeer! You will find these to be ideal opportunities for territorialism and murder!
* A dog-friendly environment - including a strict hands-off policy in regards to feasting upon our furry friends! Fresh & Organic never tasted so good!
* Bright supermarket lighting - all the better to see your enemy's beady, hypocritical eyes!
* Stark open spaces - all the better to indulge in classic Lord of the Flies role-playing games!
* Sinister shadowy spaces - all the better to lurk in, and then spring from to wreak sudden havoc!
* An array of balconies and a welcoming rooftop - all the better to fling yourself from!
Our heart-stoppingly hedonistic high-rise is perfectly appointed in the classic Ballard style. it features: terse brilliance; evilly deadpan humor; a cold, clinical style; a complete disinterest in creating empathetic connections between characters and readers; a detached desire to anger, agitate, and antagonize. Enjoy your lofty, God's-eye view of repellently savage and slaughter-happy human insects, all predictably engaged in typically clownish mayhem, gruesome atrocity, repulsive class warfare, and other depressing standards of the human condition.
⇧ Join Us! ⇩
Or not, it makes no real difference...
YOU ALREADY LIVE HERE
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