by John Ringo
A REPORT FROM ROBOT PLANET
TO: X-1 Prime, Supreme Overlord of Robot Matrix, Grand Endeavor Cmdr.
FROM: Scientific Analyst SLJLK92349UO, Earth Invasion Exploratory Unit
CC: Prince BOB, Holy Prior of the Negativ Legion
CC: Queen Kardeater of the Insectoid Empire
BCC: Shadowagent markmonday
ATTACHMENT 1: John Ringo, former Test Subject
ATTACHMENT 2: the novel Ghost by John Ringo
Target: John Ringo acquired by Shadowpuppet A. Coulter using Tactic 7-B3:
Invitation to Wild Sex Party at Dennis Miller’s Mansion.
Target: Ghost acquired via Amazon for $0.01 + $3.99 shipping & handling.
Subject A: John Ringo is former Specialist in 82nd Airborne Division of U.S. Army. Post discharge, subject became author of several series in several genres and occasional guest commentator on Fox News Channel (itself a Shadowagency of Robot Matrix). Subject A is currently non-organic due to extensive exploratory nature of Scientific Analysis.
[Shadowpuppet “John Ringo-1” has replaced organic target on Earth; no adverse reactions from Subject A’s peer or familial groupings have been noted regarding replacement.]
Subject B: Ghost is “Action/Adventure Genre Novel” and features exploits of government operative Mike _____, code name ‘Ghost’. Subject B is perhaps less-than-typical example of genre, due to extremely low technical ability of writing overall, including: flaccid narrative; profusion of racial/ gender/ political stereotypes; two-dimensional characterization; risible dialogue; incessant and misguided references to Sparta, Robert Frost, and "Goth" music; tedious preponderance of both military-grade weapons detail-pornography and graphic sexual pornography. Despite inferior quality of novel, it offers range of absorbing topics on Earth life to consider; in particular, Earth gender dynamics per author. Subject B: Ghost has tri-parte structure and so this report will analyze each section sequentially.
Part One: Winter Born
Narrative in Part One details attempts of Middle Eastern nation Syria to engage in terrorist acts towards United States of America. Plans include kidnapping of 50 young American college women, torture/ rape/ murder of women, and broadcasting of activities to American public. While stalking single young woman on college campus that they both attend (apparently typical pasttime for protagonist), Operative Ghost witnesses kidnapping, follows and then successfully engages kidnappers, secretly boards plane containing previously captured college women, and eventually destroys entire operation (his actions also include elimination of Osama bin Laden and Syrian President Bashar al-Assad).
Although narrative itself is trite and poorly written, there is much to be evaluated regarding mindset of reactionary Red-Blooded American Male aka RBA Male towards the female of the species (and, to a lesser degree, RBA Male’s nationalism and feelings towards educational institutions). In sum, protagonist and author appear to view female of species as worthy of protection and as target for sexual attention, but having little value in most other regards and suitable primarily for mockery. General and inherent stupidity of females who act as politicians, news reporters, and students is reported with extreme frequency. During rescue attempts, protagonist often engages in “cheeky banter” and “casual playfulness” with abused women, in particular by pointedly staring at parts of their naked forms that he finds sexually appealing, and by openly and repeatedly mocking their limited minds and thoughtless absorption into useless liberal edifices such as college. Throughout his rescue, Ghost suggests detainees reward him post-rescue with sexual activities including “blow-jobs” and encourages detainees to not hold terrorist actions against all RBA Males by "turning lesbian"; overcome by gratitude, detainees promise to engage in such rewards and reject all forms of liberalism. It should also be noted that author does include several examples of “useful” women: specifically those women who are members of college ROTC, are able to handle weapons, follow directions, and promise to reward protagonist with “blow-jobs” post-release. Irony of situation of protagonist - who self-defines by stating “I am a Rapist” (in thought but not yet deed) and who spends spare time stalking nubile students whom he despises - now being placed in role of rescuer, where he is sole source of succor to those he stalked and despised, is only slightly noted by protagonist and author. Perhaps irony (and ironic wish fulfillment inherent in situation) is implicit within story itself.
Throughout novel, author engages in striking form of character development for support players: prior to elimination by Ghost, each terrorist is given short history - including country of origin, level of education, level of antipathy towards Americans, personal thoughts and goals, etc. This is unusual tactic and purpose is unknown. Is this to provide a dossier to readers on wide range of potential terrorists and their personal background, perhaps to inspire reader suspicion towards all individuals hailing from countries in Middle East as potential terrorists? Unknown. Author also places epithet “Raghead” into mouths of many characters (including protagonist, U.S. President, others) and describes Middle Eastern countries as automatically dirty and filled with trash. “Liberals” are also given similar treatment; most notable is sequence where liberal American commentators blame predicament on kidnap victims themselves. Perhaps this is seen as typical “Liberal” behavior by author? If so, assertion is incorrect; Robot Matrix has noted Tactic Blame the Victim is also frequently used by “Reactionary” human demographic and associated institutions. Despite ongoing contempt displayed towards Middle East and Liberals, author and protagonist neglect to discuss positive elements of U.S. and instead appear content to solely describe negative attributes. Result is that author and protagonist appear to be apolitical and ignorant of various successes of many American institutions, both liberal and conservative. A curious kind of "patriot" in that genuine patriotism appears to be absent. This tunnel-vision and mindless vitriol bodes well for our Grand Endeavor; such individuals are often easiest for Robot Matrix to manipulate through well-tested “Knee-Jerk” Propaganda Campaigns and diverse Shadowpuppet Politicians and Media Commentators.
Part Two: Thunder Island
It should first be noted that section title is one of this Scientific Analyst’s favorite Earth songs, from classic “Easy Listening” era.
Narrative in second section is highly unusual. First two-thirds are concerned with Ghost’s new life as multi-millionaire living on yacht in Bahamas (due to reward from American President), his encounter with and subsequent seduction of two female college students (ages 18 and 19), large amount of water-vehicle detail-pornography, regular appraisal of Ghost’s apparently pleasingly muscular form by two teenagers, and introduction of students into rigorous and time-consuming world of sadomasochistic role play. There are many sexual encounters explicitly detailed throughout many pages. There is much discussion of “boundaries”, “safe words” and “safe sounds” (the latter due to gags), and “the high of complete submission”. There is discussion between Ghost and students’ mothers; both turn out to be “swingers” and “bottoms”, and both eventually encourage Ghost’s attentions – even consenting to request for daughters’ birth certificates. Dialogue in these sequences is of such amusingly unrealistic, artificial, and juvenile nature that at first this Scientific Analyst thought it may all be highly comic and stylized dream sequence. When this proved incorrect, this Scientific Analyst concluded that author had never actually experienced dialogue with teenagers, perhaps never engaged in “Flirting Ritual”, clearly had no skill in introducing individuals to sadomasochism, and may have generally experienced very poor results from prior sexual encounters resulting in awkwardly described fantasy sexual scenarios. Intensive questioning of Subject A: John Ringo on topic did not prove conclusive.
Remaining narrative in Part Two is concerned with sudden need for Ghost to disarm nuclear device that happens to be in vicinity of his pleasure-yacht, at request of American government. This activity – which interrupts sado-masochistic role play – proceeds at swift pace, with more military-grade weapons detail-pornography and more dossiers on individuals who will be shortly slain by Ghost. This Scientific Analyst must admit to skimming these rather monotonous pages.
Part Three: The Dark Side
Third section of novel’s narrative concerns buying and transporting of nuclear military device in and through Eastern Europe and Russia by Chechen terrorists, and successful mission for Ghost where he thwarts detonation of weapon in Paris (target: the Pope) and captures Middle Eastern terrorist responsible in Holland. There are also passages detailing rape of female minor in Eastern Europe by novel’s hero and various consensual sexual situations in Holland by novel’s hero and his colleague.
“Action/Adventure” portions of section were typical in their low-level writing skills, inability to sustain tension, and use of rote generalizations towards various individuals, institutions, and countries – in particular women, and France in general. If this Scientific Analyst were capable of human feelings e.g. “boredom” and human reactions e.g. “yawning”, such activities would have no doubt occurred. It may even be said that if this Scientific Analyst were human, s/he may have chosen to simply engage in self-pleasure while imagining his/her own personalized sado-masochistic fantasy – possibly involving Subject A: John Ringo – rather than being tricked into reading intense depiction of nonconsensual sex with minor that is shoehorned within puerile, unimaginative “Action/Adventure”.
It is important to focus briefly on lengthy and highly graphic sequence where Ghost rents, abuses, rapes, spoons and naps with, abuses again, rapes again, spoons and naps with again, and then rapes a third time an inexperienced 15-year old Eastern European whore with "very large breasts that were still high and full". Emphasis placed on fear, crying, and internal dryness of victim. At one point, novel’s hero punches purchased teenager in kidneys – her subsequent pain and surprise thus allowing him to make sudden anal entry. An unusual hero indeed!
Protagonist suffers some slight feelings of guilt, post rape and torture. Immediate action is to toss on victim's back amount worth half-year’s wage, upon which she replies "Is okay. Not like, much hurt, much… bad memory.” She got to the end of the quick count and looked at him again, curiously. “But for this, is okay. Would do again.” To which Ghost replies, "Yeah. But then you’d be acting. It wouldn’t be the same.” Later, Ghost feels more twinges of conscience and takes victim away from brothel, promising freedom and happier life. In Paris, victim finds older man as new associate and, after writing thank-you note to Ghost for her extraction, promptly leaves narrative. Important to note Qualifying Nature of various character reactions. Author clearly enjoys describing brutal rape (and protagonist Ghost enjoys repeatedly pointing out to victim that he is raping her, in order to better enjoy victim's emotional discomfort/ psychological trauma)... and also makes clear that victim's rape has lasting positive results through subsequent rescue of victim from squalid life in brothel. She has suffered, but is better off due to rape. And so Ghost’s conscience is allowed to rest, appeased. And so low-level human reader is also allowed to breathe sigh of relief and proceed through remainder of novel, guilt-free.
If such heroes are typical of RBA Male fantasies (and if such authors, and such readers who enjoy such novels, are also typical of human population), Robot Matrix should have no difficulty in drafting RBA Males to our cause of total subjugation of all Earth species/resources. Objectives of Robot Matrix and fellow Axis members' upcoming Grand Endeavor on Earth appear to be in line with RBA Male’s own personal goals/ideals. This Scientific Analyst recommends: (1) quickly acquiring valuable RBA Male assets; (2) activating Shadowagent markmonday; and (3) approving immediate escalation of Grand Endeavor/ Robot Matrix-Insectoid Empire-Negativ Legion activities. If this Scientific Analyst’s evaluation of RBA Male demographic is correct, our Grand Endeavor will soon find many natural allies on this planet Earth.