mark monday, age 10: "Can I spend the night at Marc Morton's house?"
Mom: "Always spending time with Marc Morton! What do you two do? Do you have a girlfriend yet? Your uncles had girlfriends when they were younger than you. The Philippines makes men! Where is your girlfriend?"
mark: "Can I spend the night at Marc Morton's?"
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Mom: "Do you have a girlfriend yet?"
mark, age 15: "I do. Her name is Jamie. You've met her. She lives down the street."
Mom: "Is she white?"
mark: "Yes!"
Mom: "You can have her spend the night here if you want."
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Mom: "Do you have a girlfriend yet?"
mark, age 20: "No! I don't know if I even like girls!"
Mom: "Well, I do. Her name is Deanna and she lives down the street."
mark: "Are you serious?"
Mom: "Yes I am. I don't care what anyone thinks. She's black and she's beautiful and we teach aerobics together and your father doesn't mind."
mark: "Well okay then."
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Mom: "Do you have a girlfriend yet?"
mark, age 25: "No, you know I don't. I have a boyfriend. Tom. You've met him, many times!"
Mom: "He is a very nice man and a good friend to you. But he's not a gay. He was a marine, remember?"
mark: "Mom, come on, I live with him!"
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Mom: "Do you have a girlfriend yet?"
mark, age 30: "Yes, I do. She's Turkish and her name is---"
Mom: "I don't believe you. What is a Turkish? Is she white?"
mark: "No, she's not"
Mom: "Well, it's your life. I met some very nice Filipinas at the gym. I think you would like them. They are very sweet and submissive."
mark: "What?"
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Mom: "Do you have a girlfriend yet?"
mark, age 40: "No. Sigh."
Mom: "Do you have a boyfriend yet?
mark: "No. Sigh."
Mom: "What is wrong with you? I want more grandchildren! You need to date someone and give me more grandchildren!"
mark: "Sigh."
Mom: "You should date a white woman, a girl in college. Those women like older men. You should teach at a college. Find a beautiful girl. Or someone. What is wrong with you?"
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